The Dark Side of The Moon.........

If you googled "dark side of the moon", arrived at my blog, and expect to read anything about Pink Floyd, you may leave now. (But it was a killer album!) 

One of my favorite movies is "Apollo 13" and I recently was able to watch it again with family in a time between my chemotherapy treatments.  There is a face of the moon that we do not see; the side of the moon where the sun does not shine at any given time. When the Apollo craft orbited the moon to slingshot back to earth, there was a time of darkness and complete radio silence - no contact with earth, no control of their craft and no audible encouragement from others. I just finished five days of intense chemo, a day of (rest??), and an auto-stem cell transplant.  Darkness and silence have filled the last few days. For two of the days, medication lulled me to sleep and I don't remember much.  Nausea ruled. Transplant day was mainly sleep. But yesterday I saw the sun.  I survived the "dark side."

To answer a few common questions:  *Does it hurt? Yes, mostly in the forms of nausea and muscle pain, but the transfusion itself is painless.  *How long will you be in hospital?  The typical stay is 14-18 days after Day 0, the actual transfusion.  *Is chemo fog a real thing?  Oh yes, I struggle with names, dates, and all other simple facts.  *Any interesting facts?  Yes. After my transplant, my beautiful wife leaned over to kiss me on the forehead and said, "What's that smell?" Well, when you have frozen cells pumped into your blood stream, the preservative smells like cream corn. Yep, of all the aromas......cream corn! Guess it could have been worse.

My awakening was not as dramatic as the scene in Apollo 13, but for me the world was present again.  It is not a perfect world. There are constant reminders for us that this is not our eternal home.  Cancer is certainly one of those reminders for me.

In Hebrews 11:13-16 it says:

Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. 

Hold Fast, my friends!   II Timothy 1:13

Sunday Morning Sermon

From the Mouths of Grandsons

Chris and I awakened at Medical City this morning.  Yesterday was pretty tough with 5 types of chemo and lots of nausea.  After our quiet time and prayer together I know we were both wondering about another Sunday in a hospital.  We always miss being with our church family, Chris helping lead us to worship with the most incredible praise team in Texas, and hearing Brother Rodney preach.

But what a surprise.................Our grandsons led us to worship!  They are in Maryland with our sons and daughters in law, who are pastors at Remedy Church in Salsibury.  Enjoy!

http://youtu.be/dUOaQ8vow5Y

Matthew 18:1-4 says:
AT about the same time, the disciples came to Jesus asking, "Who gets the highest rank in God's kingdom?" For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood int he middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom.

Eating good food & watching games!

Cooking with Lolly

More cooking with Lolly!

Thank you Ryland Von and Rance D for leading us in worship this morning.  Your Lolly and Pops miss you and we will beat this cancer with Jesus and have many more adventures.

Cleaning the woods!

No Heroes, No Capes, No Veils

No Heroes, No Capes, No Veils

 I treasure some special memories of my childhood.  I know it will shock you, but I loved to play!  G.I. Joes (not the little, wimpy ones), a Scat car (I even tied a wagon to it), BB Guns (to my Mom's surprise, I kept both of my eyes), model airplanes (Dad had as much fun as I did)...........but I have a confession.  At the age of 5 or 6 years, my favorite game was being Batman.  I never had a mask; just a cape, a towel or one of Mom's aprons, but that was enough.  Mom clipped it with a clothespin, but my younger sister, Karen (the evil villain), pulled my "cape" and it would pop off.  A superhero CANNOT lose his cape!!  Then it was back to Mom for two large safety pins and "Shazam!" - the wardrobe issue was fixed.  Batman was back!  Bam!  Pow!  Invincible again, a superhero must have his cape!

Our grandchildren, Ryland & Rance

Reflecting on this fun, I do see some truth in the pretending. We share a common flaw........we want to appear stronger than we are.  A hero is a person acclaimed for unusual deeds.  So we, as limited and broken individuals, create fictitious"super heroes," bestowing magical powers or strengths.  Humans have done this for years, in every culture, many years before comic books.  Many times we want to appear stronger than we are. But we also need to believe that there are others who have powers or strengths that we lack, and we will go so far as to create these characters to deal with our weaknesses and flaws.

The number one fear in a recent poll was speaking in public.  Number two on this list was the fear of death and dying.  Fears are real. If we try to maintain our images as heroes, we lose the chance to connect and form personal relationships with others through humility, honesty, and transparency of our fears and challenges.  My quote of the weekend on humility is from legendary Coach Robert Hughes.  Coach Hughes won 1333 high school games (a national record) and won five state championships, and now ESPN is creating a movie about his life. Hughes was interviewed and asked what it was like to be a basketball hero. The interviewer commented that people might see him in public and not know who he was, now retired, living his normal life, going to the grocery store.  Hughes' reply was, "If you gotta say who you is, you aint."  

Even Biblical heroes struggled with the desire to show no weakness.  Moses, a well known Biblical character,  has movies about his life, The Ten Commandments and Prince of Egypt. After Moses would meet with God, he was instructed to cover his face with a veil to protect Israelites from the shining of his face from standing in the presence of the glory of God.  The glory would then fade. In II Corinthians 1:13 (The Message) we learn:

"Unlike Moses, we have nothing to hide. Everything is out in the open with us. He wore a veil so the children of Israel wouldn’t notice that the glory was fading away—and they didn’t notice. They didn’t notice it then and they don’t notice it now, don’t notice that there’s nothing left behind that veil. " 

     Moses wanted to keep on wearing the veil, like a hero's cape, maybe to give the illusion of strength or to hide his fears and weaknesses. Sometimes, we do, too.
   
One month ago while doing blood work at Medical City, my stem cell team saw a drastic rise in my cancer blood markers.  A PET scan and bone marrow biopsy came back normal, but one week ago Chris noticed a knot at the base of my neck. So we returned to the doctor's office. After a biopsy, we received a call Wednesday evening, learning that the "monster" is back.  You can read about my last autologous transplant in previous blogs, but for now, the plan is extensive chemo and another transplant; this time an analogous with a matching donor.

On Thursday, there was an assembly at Whitewright High School.  The gathering was not regarding school safety, drugs, or campus issues.  Chris and I wanted to make sure that everyone, students and staff, knew that we have no capes or veils.  As their principal, I wanted my staff and students to know that this tough journey begins again for us. Everyone was extremely loving and supportive.

People in these tough conditions ask, "Why?"  There are no answers for us. However, there is our faith. We believe that just as important as student test scores, grades, and future plans........our students need to learn how to deal with inevitable adversity. As disciples of Christ, this is our calling.

We are are now at Medical City.  Please text or e-mail.  Please share this blog with others.  Please follow this blog to get updates. And above all, please pray. Pray for strength for the journey and courage to show weakness and vulnerability.  Pray for the students of Whitewright High School.  Pray for our four children and their spouses.  Pray for our parents, brothers and sisters.

Hold Fast!!   (II Timothy 1:13)

school e-mail   kevin.weaver@wwisd.com  
school twitter   @WWHSPrincipal
school cell        (903) 271-2450  

Time with Tigers before leaving for hospital!  Hold Fast!

Seventeen years ago the most beautiful woman in the world chose me!  She is the most incredible person I have ever met.  Christine Dawn.................and she is the love of my life!

I could share many reasons why, but we share a passion.  We want to love people, especially young people, and to leave this world a better place.  Chris and I have been a part of the Honey Grove ISD family for seventeen years, that is right, we married in July of 1997 & began to work in Honey Grove in August of 1997.  This year God called us to another school district.  As of July 1st, I am the high school principal at Whitewright High School.  Chris will serve Whitewright as the district test coordinator and instructional technologist integrator.

Why is this woman the most incredible person I have ever met?  I asked Chris how we should spend our anniversary, and she quickly answered......." I want to say goodbye to our students of Honey Grove!"  Last night we had approximately thirty five students from Honey Grove at our house.  We ate hamburgers, chips, and homemade ice cream.  We played croquet, ping-pong, and monkey balls.  We sat on the patio until the mosquitoes drove us in. Dreams were shared and tears were cried.  A new chapter begins.

Of all the things that my wife could have asked for, she wanted to spend time with students.

Seventeen years ago I promised this beautiful woman that I would love her and love our children.

In 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer.  We found out that Chris had breast cancer in 2010.  The cancer monster attacked me again in 2012 and I had a stem cell transplant.  Chris was beside me through it all.  Happy anniversary, Chris!  Life is good & I am blessed for every moment with you.

My Brother's Keeper

     There have been many studies on birth order of siblings and the impact it has on personality.  The Weaver clan consists of four children.  Sharon is the oldest and I was born four years later.  Our sister, Karen, entered the world three years later than me.  Brother Paul crashed the party ten years after Karen and he will be discussed at another time, if there is enough space on Google and the WWW to discuss Paul!
     Sharon is the consummate oldest child.  She is an over-achieving perfectionist, highly motivated to please others while constantly worrying about her younger brother (and everyone else) as a rule-abiding mother hen.  I say this in jest. I adore my sister Sharon. But we don't understand each other.  Sharon is a LIFELONG straight A student.  I was always a good student, but I reiterate, my sister never experienced a B.  Not in grade school, junior high, high school, as an undergraduate, or even in her masters program.  That just can't be healthy. I have memories of walking home from Ben Milam Elementary in Grand Prairie, with my sister as my protector.  After a few minutes of meandering, the interrogation would begin.  "Where are your books?  What happened to your knee?  Should we go back to get anything?"  Sharon was my keeper.
     I still remember a Meet the Teacher night when I was bragging to my parents that I was sitting by the teacher again, for the third year in a row as the "helper."  Sharon explained to me that it was because I couldn't be quiet, not because I was special.  Mom agreed as she reminded me of the box always checked on my report cards....talks too much.  Yeah, so much for being the "helper."

Aunt VA holding me while Sharon watches.
(Virginia has the look as if she is about to throw me & shouldn't my neck be supported?)

       My early years of high school were littered with the scholastic footprints of Sharon.  Each term paper or essay would always begin with these words, "I would like to read an example of this paper. It was written by a former student, Sharon Weaver. Kevin, that's your sister, right?"  The bar was set high and I was already stumbling.  In college it continued, as I attended the same university as Sharon.  Sitting in freshmen English, I reluctantly heard one of Sharon's papers.  I slumped in my desk hoping that at roll call Dr. Andrews would never put two and two together, but alas, "Are you Sharon's brother? I heard you might be coming here."  During Sharon's first visit with me at college, I told her how I was experimenting with how many classes I could make an A or B in and not buy the textbook.  I was appalled at what textbooks were going to cost and well, it was a challenge. Who doesn't like a challenge? Sharon was mortified! She feared that I would fail. Still hovering, trying to take care of me.
     So six months ago when all of my siblings were tested for bone marrow compatibility, who do you think would be the match?  You know already. It was Sharon -  a perfect match.  Once again, my sister was ready to take care of me.  By the way, Karen & Paul were perfect matches and I told them that explained a lot - poor Karen!
     Sharon married Don Hendrix in 1977.  They were truly made for each other.  They began a life of education and serving others -  Don coaching football, teaching math & physics;  Sharon teaching high school English.  In 2008 Don and Sharon began building their retirement "dream home" - a log cabin that they had planned for most of their married lives. We lost Don in March of 2009 to a heart attack. Our family has not been the same since. Nor will it.
     I know Sharon has struggled with my fight with cancer, there being no way she could really help.  I have agonized with her suffering since the loss of her best friend and husband.  She continues to teach English and Composition at a junior college and lives in their log cabin that she chose to complete on her own.  But two weeks ago, Sharon was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Tomorrow, March 5th, she will have surgery, chemotherapy to follow.
     My heart feels broken.  Last Sunday, Chris and I met Sharon at my parent's house.  We drank coffee, cried, drank more coffee, and laughed.  In so many ways, my sister and Don blazed a path for me to follow in this crazy life -  how to be a loving spouse, best friend, student, teacher, parent, and friend.  I hope I have been an example of fighting cancer for Sharon.  And I would take it from her, if I could. Love you, Sis!

Baby of the Family

 
      Stem cell transplants are amazing, medical procedures.  Whether allogenic, requiring the healthy stem cells from a donor, or autologous, taking cells from the patient - it's a miraculous process.  With the allogenic, the search for a donor begins with immediate family members, with siblings having the highest probability of being a match.  After that the search goes national and sometimes even global through the registry. If you want more information, go to BeTheMatch.org.
     I had the autologous transplant.  Healthy cells are "harvested" from the patient; treated, tested, and then frozen to be transfused back into the cancer patient.  Both of these transfusions have similarities before the transplant. Cancer cells must be killed through several sessions of intense chemotherapy, which of course, destroys healthy red cells, white cells and platelets in the process. The last session before "Day Zero," the treatment reaches a "reverse pinnacle," and almost complete annihilation of blood cells. One of my doctors called the process "draining the pond." This was the toughest "marathon" I had ever run. But I will write about that later.

Saturday, Chris and I, with our daughter, Callie, and boyfriend, Timothy, joined transplant doctors, nurses, stem cell transplant patients, donors and others as Team Match Makers. We raised funds for Be the Match Foundation and had our own tent for the celebration of healing and life. Several donors were present. One patient met her donor for the first time.

Dr. Jennifer Potter introduced each stem cell patient that was present. What a unique group! Some young, some older, working, retired, some with family, some alone. Even a former Olympic gold medalist joined as a survivor. Jennifer presented the medical staff to cheers from all: Dr. Bhushan, Eddie, Brenda, Jodi, Leah, Patricia, Jennifer, Katy and more. She presented from oldest patient to youngest, according to our "new birthday." The first, a woman who was seven years from her transplant. Cheers, hugs...shared pain unites us. A healthy man, six years old...more cheers, more hugs. Shared pain unites us. Hannah, from England, Shannon, from Frisco. A daughter accepts her father's card; with tears as he could not be there to celebrate. Shared pain unites us.

I have read accounts of POW soldiers. Even years after their captivity, they still share an unexplainable common bond. The torture and the pain that they endured united them forever. I remember during the years when I used to run marathons, I would come across someone with a T-shirt or a bumper sticker that read "26.2." We would begin to talk as complete strangers, while not strangers, as we told of the races we had run. Why? The pain and the common experience united us.

 As I continued to listen to the announced birthdays, I realized that the name list must be nearing an end. And then it occurred to me. I must be the "youngest patient" here.  As I stood with Chris, who had been beside me through the entire journey, Jennifer called my name.  Kevin Weaver was the baby of this new family!  4 months old, no immunizations, baby hair on my head.  Through cheers and tears, Dr. Bhushan stood at the perimeter of the group, smiling as he looked on each of his patients.  Such an humble man, content to be on the outside, looking in.  And the first day I met him flashed into my mind - that day in July he gave us an hour lesson, teaching me about my cancer and suggesting the pathway to remission.  So naturally, when Jennifer called my name, I walked to Dr. Bhushan, the man who helped save my life, to give him a hug of gratitude.

     In his book, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years", Donald Miller describes the effect of adversity on the story of our lives, "But in that place, I remembered about story, about how every conflict, no matter how hard, comes back to bless the protagonist if he will face his fate with courage.  There is no conflict man can endure that will not produce a blessing.  And I smiled.  I'm not saying I was happy, but for some reason I smiled.  It hurts now, but I'll love this memory, I thought to myself.  And I do."

     Thank you, Chris, for enduring the pain with me and continuing this chapter of our story.  Thank you, Jennifer Potter, for organizing our team and celebrating with us.  Thank you, Dr. Bhushan, for leaving your home country to share your gifts with us.  Thank you, Medical City staff!

     Ultimately, God is my healer, but here are some of his helper-angels!

Dr. Bhushan

Jennifer Potter

Eddie (one of my nurses)

Brenda (one of my stem cell transplant coordinators)

Jodi (one of my nurses)

Timothy & Callie (Callie is in green!)

                                                   

My best friend, Chris & me (She's the pretty one!)          

Leah Atwood ( stem cell coordinator)

No More Sea (I Had A Dream!)

     On December 1, 2012 there was a race in Bonham, Texas.  It was a 5K and it was called the "Hold Fast" 5K.  It was held on a beautiful, winter morning.  While in training I used to always do my long runs on Saturday mornings.  I remember many a Saturday morning, sitting in the truck with the heat on, waiting for just enough light to get on the road.  This race was held in my honor and I was in a hotel room.  I had been released from the hospital only two days before with the instructions to stay close in my sanitized hotel room (Thank you, Chris!) to make the short half mile trip to the hospital each day for shots, blood-work, and fluids.
     In the book of Revelation, we learn that the disciple John had been banned to the island of Patmos.  It was a volcanic island that was used by the Romans to leave prisoners.  An island, surrounded by water.  Many scholars think that the torture of the island was that the mainland was sometimes in sight.

     The hospital room had been my PRISON for 28 long days.  After only four days in the hospital, I was diagnosed with a bacterial infection.  What did that mean?  I could no longer leave my room, I was quarantined and anyone entering my room was dressed like a commercial for HAZMAT control.  I still remember the feeling when Dr. Bhushan said I could leave the hospital and go to the hotel room.  Instructions?  Don't leave your hotel except to go to the hospital.  Wear your mask, only eat certain foods, and stay in your room as much as possible.  The hotel room became my new prison.  I was staring at the sea.

     Race Day!  How many memories!  I asked the medical team on that Friday, could I go to Bonham with Chris and sit in the car during the race?  NO!  I began to get text messages and e-mails from family, church members, players I had coached, faculty members, and friends that they would be at the race.  I lay in our bed on Friday night thinking of how I always wanted Elizabeth to meet my mom, Bro. Rex to meet Heather, Steve to meet Roger, to see Kathy with Michelle, Lance Shelton to meet.................no, I didn't want Lance to meet anyone!  Many of these friends and students I had encouraged to begin running.  I sat and wondered..............was it raining, did anyone show up, ........please Chris, let's drive to Bonham!  I love my wife so much.  We normally enjoy every moment together, but that Saturday was strange.  A trip to the hospital, shots in the stomach, blood work, IV bag to replace potassium.  Back to the hotel where Chris' parents, her sister Michelle & children, Tim & Callie would be arriving that evening.  I would stay awake and hear about every minute of the race, supper, and auction.  But night time meds at 7:30 and I was out.  Chris stayed awake to meet family.  And I had a dream....................
     There are a lot of books about heaven.  Paul describes how he received a glance of heaven.  On Saturday night, December 1, 2012, I saw a glimpse of heaven.

     My family lived in Stringtown, Oklahoma while I was in 5th - 9th grades.  My dad was the pastor of  the Baptist church and we lived in the parsonage, which was one block away from the school.  Most evenings I was at the school yard which had an outside basketball court.  We would play basketball until the whistle.  What was the whistle?  My mom could whistle so loud (she still can!), a piercing shriek, somehow produced by this small woman of 5'2".  Everyone would announce, "Kevin, better go, it's your mom."  The whistle meant supper was ready and time to come home.
     In my dream, we were playing basketball.  It was cold, but we were having a great game.  Then there was a whistle.  Not now!  The game was close, but all of my friends began to tell me, "It's your Mom, better go."  I grabbed my jacket and told the other players I would try to come back.  Maybe Mom would let me finish the game.  I ran to my house, where my Mom was waiting at the door, smiling.

     I have tried to share this dream several times, I always begin to sob.  It was so real!

     My mom put her arm around me and said how much fun supper would be.  I begged her to let me go finish my game.  She looked at me and said, " I wish you would stay with us, but finish your game, but you will regret it."  The door closed and I started to run back to the school yard but I stopped.  Our house was filled with people.  Now understand, my mom is very much alive.  I walked to the window and looked through the glass.  My grandfather, Pa-Pa, was there.  My mom & dad and all of the my siblings.  My father-in-law, Danny was standing with his arm on his father, whom I never met.  Friends, family.............everyone eating and laughing.  A strange mixture of people, but I wanted to be in the house.  I began to beat on the window, but no one could hear me.  I went to the door and began to knock, but no one answered.  Chris said she was awakened to me sobbing and screaming, "I don't want to play, I want in, please, let me in."  Sleep escaped me the rest of the night.  I sat with family in the hotel lobby wearing a mask and listened to stories about the race.  My daughter, Callie, sat in my lap and showed me the many photos she took of the race.  I tried to tell about my dream, but I just cried.

     In Revelation chapter 21, John is describing a glimpse of heaven.  He says,
"And I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth has passed away.  Also there was no more sea.".................."And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying; and there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
     So what does this mean?  The Old Testament is filled with descriptions of family and feasts.  We were created for these celebrations.  I have learned that separation can be a cruel punishment.  With my job I live for those solitary moments, but when SOLITARY is required, it is tough.  For John the greatest part of his dream of heaven is "no more sea."  The barriers are gone and he is reunited.

     I do not profess to have any insights of heaven.  From the Bible it is hard to know what is figurative or literal.  But I have no doubt that I will not be worried about how things look.  There will be no death, pain, or tears.....................and there will be no more sea.

Oh yeah, thanks for running!
   

A 100% Stinky Lesson

     I was blessed to be able to rejoin my students and colleagues at Honey Grove Middle and High School beginning January 2nd, as they returned from the Christmas holidays.  Not everyone has been thrilled to see me in the normal setting.  In a loving way, some have said,  "You know you probably have enough years to retire. I know I wouldn't be here!"------ "I know you're wearing a mask, but should you be here with all these germs?"------"Does your doctor know you are doing this?"  It has been hard to answer each of these questions. But a man called "STINK" summed my feelings.

     Chris and I live about 15 minutes from the school district, so many times I listen to one of the Dallas sports stations on my short drive in to work.  On my first week back I heard a valuable lesson on this station which strengthened my beliefs in returning to be with my students.  The hosts of the show were discussing the impact of a major knee surgery on the career of Robert Griffin III and they were joined by Mark Schlereth, who is lovingly called "Stink."  Schlereth played in the NFL for 12 seasons and has had 29 sports related surgeries, including 20 knee surgeries.  I would call him a specialist as a consumer of knee surgeries.

     Mark grew passionate in his discussion when the terms "100%" and a "player's return" were mentioned.  He told the story of happening upon a player from another sport in his surgeon's waiting room.  The other athlete was dejected and said he didn't know when he would be 100%.  "Stink" shared the reality, "100% of what?"  He said to the younger player, "You will NEVER be at the same place you were before surgery.  If you are missing the opportunity to play the game you love while waiting on the old 100%, you are missing a window of competing.  You now have a new 100%."

      Thank you, Mr. Mark Schlereth.  (You're too large for me to call you "Stink.")  In the world of cancer we call this the new normal.  While I will never let multiple myeloma define me, the side effects and scars of battle will take their tolls.  The only danger would be sitting on the sideline waiting on everything to be perfect or back the way it was.

     On Friday my new normal, or 100%, changed yet again.  Since Christmas Eve I have been dealing with an eye issue that we thought was a retinal bleed. We learned that my retina was torn, detached, and had actually rotated 360 degrees. I had surgery Friday afternoon (1-18-13) and today I had the patch removed. For the next week, I will sit in a posture facing the floor, to allow my retina to reattach properly. Complete restoration, or 20/20, isn't being discussed. They are hoping in a few weeks or months that I will be able to see the "big E" on the chart. That in itself will be a miracle. Chris and I had our time for tears and now it is time to move on. There is a very real possibility that next week I will be in meetings in a Post-vitrectomy chair, facing the floor while making educational decisions and leading a campus. Shouldn't I stay home, you ask? I could. And I might have to, but I will not miss out on windows of opportunity because I can't accept my new 100%.

Silly moments with Chris at school.

Beta Stands Up to Cancer

Silly moments with staff member, Elizabeth Shelton.

Jacob, our new State VP

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Damn Cancer!

     I have a lot of writing to do.  Since "Day Zero" I have been trying to survive.......literally!  Even though I have not been writing, I have been reading constantly.  I am an avid reader and with my medical challenges and frequent insomnia, reading has helped me keep my sanity.  Friends and family have shared certain books and told me I MUST read them.  Here are just a few of the books others have recommended:
              My Dad - Timeline by Michael Crichton
              My son, Ryan - The Road by Cormac McCarthy    
              One of my doctors, Jennifer Potter - Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
              My sister, Sharon - Love Does by Bob Goff
              ...........then books I found,
                       Killing Kennedy;the End of Camelot - by Bill O'Reilly            
                        The Racketeer by John Grisham
                        Your Church is Too Safe by Mark Buchanan
                        The Black Box by Michael Connelly
                        The Skeptical Student by Timothy Keller
and then it happened.................................
             A dear friend, Lynn Arthur sent me a book, Dancing with the Enemy by Meg Brown.

     This book is the personal journal of a cancer survivor.  When Lynn sent the book home, I moaned, a cancer book.  I read to escape cancer and the pain of surviving.  Come on, Lynn, you can do better than this.  You are a reader!  A book about cancer!  Chris said that some of Lynn's family played basketball with Meg, the author, and she was diagnosed with cancer and had a stem cell transplant.  Of course, I did the Christian thing and told Chris, "How thoughtful."  I wondered how many days I should keep the book before sending it back.

     That evening as fate would have it I couldn't sleep.  I got out of bed and went to the living room to read.  There was the book from Lynn.  Great idea, I would scan the first of the book and then go to the final pages to see how the story ended.  I know how cancer stories progress, the middle of the book is the same for all of us.  I just had to know how Meg finished.

     I was wrong.  I read the entire book.  I was captivated by this person's honesty.  She voiced prayers to God followed by what we in Texas call a "good ole cussing" of cancer, her situation, and the constant physical variables that assaulted her.  Meg described how it felt to go from a collegiate athlete to the struggles of walking to the restroom.  She wanted to finish a round of treatment, not to serve at the local homeless shelter, but to go drinking with her friends at a bachelorette party.  (She can't write that, we cancer patients have an image to keep.)  Meg wanted to live and she was honest.  Damn Cancer!

     I am not good at being honest with others about my journey.  I like to be positive, upbeat, and encouraging to others.  What do you say when someone says, "How are you?"  Let's see, honest answers might be:

• My eyes are bloodshot because I burst blood vessels while puking for 1 hour & 30 minutes in a plastic bowl that a friend was kind enough to send supper in. Thanks for bowl, Angie.
• The ulcers in my mouth are now in my butt; I have only had 2 popsicles for the last 2 days.  Burns going in and feels like fire going out.
• Good news, I thought treatment was finished but just got orders for intrathecal chemo & 20 days of radiation. WOOOHOOO, more side effects.
• Oh, I'm just a little tired. Fell asleep in recliner at 4:00 a.m. and then my alarm went off at 5:00 a.m.  Coffee, anyone?
• I think I'm okay. The last I remember, my body was in spasms, heard them call some code for my room, and I was packed with ice & then they put something in my pic-line and ............I am okay, right?
• I have no vision in my right eye.  Retinal hemorrhage, should be healed in 4 weeks. Oh, I'm sorry! I thought I was shaking your hand.
• Yesterday I worked all day and only fell asleep twice at my desk, and no one drew a picture on my mask. Yep, good day!
• Or maybe just...............DAMN CANCER!

     I was able to go back to work as high school principal on January 2nd.  The staff & students have been incredible.  Thanks for praying and for a few moments, thanks for letting me be honest.  I praise God for this new chapter in Chris' & my story.  Two more dear friends have been diagnosed with cancer and we will now have shared memories that I wish we never shared.  DAMN CANCER!

Day Zero! November 15, 2012

Day Zero with my best friend!

Today is the day!  Another birthday.  I will not bore everyone with the complete medical process. You can google it.  STEM CELL TRANSPLANT DAY!  DAY ZERO!

Throughout this journey, Chris and I have prayed for "hope."  Hope in Christ, a future, hope to be back with my students, hope in a treatment plan..............HOPE!

Family is here for this day.  I was wide awake at 3:45.  Not worrying; just anxious.  Pre-game jitters.  I know the opponent, but  it's a new, unknown path.

"start moving. Follow it. Make sure you keep a proper distance between you and it, about half a mile—be sure now to keep your distance!—and you'll see clearly the route to take. You've never been on this road before."  Joshua 3:3-4 (The Message)



     In The Fellowship of the Ring, the first movie of the Lord of the Rings, Frodo and Sam are leaving their beloved shire, a land of streams and valleys and meadows and forests.  They are on a journey that will take them to the very ends of the earth, only they don't realize that yet.  They think they are simply traveling to the next country.  
     As they cross a field, Sam stops.  Frodo stops also.  "What's the matter, Sam?"  Frodo asks.
"If I take one more step, " Sam says, "I'll have gone further than I've been before."
     Frodo smiles, walks back to him, puts his arm around him and answers, "Come on, Sam!  As Gandalf says, 'It's a dangerous thing, just going out the door.'"     (The Fellowship of the Ring)

Mom and Dad 2

Today I take a new step.  My world will not be the same for a while.  Tough days ahead, but it seems a dangerous thing just going out the door. But I do not go alone.

Dr. Bhushan, God's blessing for my new birthday!

Lilian, one of my angel nurses

Chris decorated my room with family and scripture

Ryan's new tribute to Dad

Hold Fast!

What's Wrong With The I-Phone 10

Okay, I could have picked many things to start this discussion. (Okay, apple geeks, do not head to the mall.  There is not an iPhone 10!)  The latest car model, computer, firearm,  guitar, video game, etc.  It isn't amazing that we can be so controlled by the latest model or upgrade.

Do you know how many mail order catalogs are mailed out in this country each year?

40 Billion!

The purpose of every one of these catalogs is to make us discontent, to cause us to feel as if what we possess isn't enough.   We must realize that STUFF does not make us secure.

Psalms 90:12 says:           12So teach us to number our days,

                        That we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Nothing puts life in perspective more clearly than to be in a battle for your life.  This is not a time-management technique. It's not a check list, nor an accumulation of needless stuff. It is acknowledging that God is in the mystery of each moment.  A common mistake of "driven" people is that "we" forget our destination.  We lose our purpose.  We must manage time less and pay attention more.

Mary Oliver writes, "The dream of my life is to lie down by a slow river and stare at the light in the trees-----To learn something of being nothing----A little while but the rich Lens of Attention."

One of my students sent me an e-mail yesterday.  She said that she sat and thought about me and what I was going through.  She then shared with me her pondering, "Why does it take illness, separation, or a loss to make us enjoy the moments?" What a heart of knowledge and wisdom!

I want to learn the rich lens of attention.  What are others feeling around me?  Are they lonely?  Despondent?  Needing to talk?  What are the colors that surround me?  A smile!  A laugh!  A tear!

I pray for more time. Time to dance, sing, laugh, and love with those God has gifted to us!

28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."   Matt. 11:28-30

A Story WIth Value

The story you are about to hear is true..............

One of my favorite books is by Donald Miller, "A Million Miles In a Thousand Years."  He uses the elements of a "good" story as he chronicles his life travels and lessons learned.  Conflict is the time of the story where the character is developed.  As humans we avoid conflict, if possible, but sometimes life brings conflict to our doorstep.

I now realize that running, training, and competing in marathons was conflict which developed my character.  The conflict was self induced, but it caused me to reach deep inside myself and sometimes to rely on God and others to finish these long runs of endurance.  Bleeding toes, aching muscles, cramps, blisters, and general pain.  Each month of training and each of the five marathons helped me to live a better story.

My story with cancer began in 2008.  I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.  At the time and for the next three and one half years, it was treated as a solitary plasmacytoma.  Spinal surgery, rod inserted in spine, 8 weeks of radiation, and 6 months of chemotherapy.  In September of 2011, my wife Chris, was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Surgery followed by six weeks of radiation.  More pain to develop our stories.  Chris has now had twelve months of clear scans.

On July 12th of this summer, I visited my oncologist with swelling in one of my testicles.  More doctor appointments and tests before they all agreed that I needed an orchiectomy.  I was assured that my cancer did not usually spread to the testes.  On July 27th my oncologist called the house with tough news.  Not only were plasma cells present in the tumor, he wanted me to get evaluated for a stem cell transplant.  Since that time:

• 7/30 - Bone Marrow Biopsy
• 8/2 - Medi-Port Installed
• 8/3 - Accepted into Stem Cell Transplant Program
• 8/13 - 8/16 - Hospitalized for 4 days of extensive chemotherapy
• 8/30 - Lost Hair
• 9/8 - 9/12 - Hospitalized for 2nd round of chemotherapy
• 9/28 - Lumbar Puncture and intrathecal chemo
• 10/3 - Lumbar Puncture for spinal blood patch
• 10/10 - 10/14 - Hospitalized for 3rd round of chemotherapy
• 10/15 - 10/24 - Chris drives me everyday for Neupogen shots at Medical City
• 10/25 - Stem Cells Harvested
• 11/7 - 11/13 - Hospitalized for 5 days of chemo
• 11/14 - Day of Rest
• 11/15 - "DAY ZERO"
• Hospitalized for approximately 2 more weeks
• 1 week of staying locally for daily treatment and tests

I write all of this not for pity or attention.  The best information and encouragement I have received have been from others who have gone through this procedure.  I am blessed that God has allowed medical personnel to fine tune such an unbelievable process.  I praise God that there is a treatment which can give me more time.  I am thankful for my wife, Chris, who has been with me every step of the way. I am thankful for my children and grand children. I am thankful for humble, praying nurses and doctors.  I am thankful that I have been chosen to run this race.

Please Hold Fast with me!

II Timothy 1:23

Sir Kevin of Devon

     There are many things to write about, as I sit in my 11th floor hospital room at Medical City.  I will be here for about 3 weeks.  In the next post I will update everyone on my last five months, but in the window of my room sits a book.  It is a children's book.  Chris is convinced that my hospital room be filled with memories and hope.  Let me explain why this book is special.

      I have four siblings.  We are all very different, but have many similarities.  Sharon is the oldest child.  She lives in Oklahoma and teaches college English.  Her husband, Don, was a football coach for over 30 years and we lost him to a massive heart attack in March of 2009.  It seems like yesterday and to this day some of the silliest things will bring on uncontrolled sobbing as I remember Don.  Sharon and I still struggle talking on the phone.  We send cards, letters, e-mails, and I send texts; Sharon reads texts.  But Sharon loves to find unusual things at garage sales, antique stores, and estate sales.  Some of these things remind of us our childhood and some are just junk.
     After I found out that my monster (cancer) was back, Sharon found this children's book and mailed it to me with a personal letter.  I took it to my office, where I am the high school principal.  It sat on a shelf until one day I knew I had to read it to Mrs. Whitlock's AP English class.  I will let Senior Maricela Coronado tell you the rest in a letter that was published in our local paper.

Sir Kevin of Honey Grove

      When people think of their greatest fear they picture snakes, spiders, terrestrial creatures, and maybe even the act of dying. When people think of pain they picture world hunger, depression, and loss; yet when thinking about life, most people will think of their family, a place called home, and God. As humans, we all have our own individual way of dealing with our pain and fear. 

Walking into our classroom we all noticed his smile, enthusiasm, and his will to live a normal life. It was hard to not notice the mask on his face, the hair that was missing, and the joy in his eyes. Mr. Weaver is our high school principal. Most days he is watching us progress in our studies, but this particular day he entered the senior class to talk about life. 

     As a senior, you realize that life is passing, time is rushing, and people are changing. With these thoughts in mind, my senior class watched as Mr. Weaver entered our classroom. He carried an old and faded book in his hand. He stood at the front and asked if he could share a story with us—a children’s book. As seniors we had long forgotten what story time felt like, so we eagerly invited him wondering what the story would be about. 

     He held up the book: Sir Kevin of Devon. It was quickly pointed out that the book had his name. Mr. Weaver smiled and began to read, “’I’ll fight this monster!’ Brave Kevin Said.’” As a senior, it’s hard enough to try to picture yourself in a future that you have no idea about. It’s even harder to tell yourself that you are no longer a child, especially when you are having story time with your principal. Everyone listened as Mr. Weaver continued to read, “He carried a sword, and a shield, and a mace. But proudest of all was the look on his face… Good sire,’ said Kevin, ‘I have come from the East. I am seeing a monster, a terrible beast!’”

     As we listened, thoughts of our greatest fears entered our minds. Monsters in all forms came…soon we would leave home, we would be independent, and somehow the thought of it all scared us. We continued to watch Mr. Weaver…we made the connection instantly. He was reading a book about a knight who had to fight a monster. Just like the character in the book, Mr. Weaver was fighting a monster in real life—cancer. The reading continued, “’the monster did come, but small Kevin stood fast. He raised his sword as the creature stormed past.’” 

     We sat thinking of monsters that stormed into our lives. Flashbacks quickly flooded our memories…Mrs. Horner’s death, fires, car accidents, loss, cancer within our community, suicides…we continued to think of the monsters that entered our lives abruptly, and we realized that liked Sir Kevin, we need to raise our swords and be strong. Mr. Weaver paused as he turned the page and said, “Woah, this is a long children’s book…” Everyone in the classroom laughed at the fact that the book was too long and difficult to be considered a children’s book. Mr. Weaver happily continued to read, “’I can’t stab it,’ thought Kevin, ‘it’s as hard as a kettle. It won’t listen to reason; its brains are all metal. So I’ll just have to chase it through country and town. Sooner or later it has to go down.’”

     Sometimes things in our life are unpredictable, they don’t just go away. Instead, we have to be persistent and help ourselves through whatever we’re fighting. Fighting a monster means never giving up until you win the battle. The monsters in our life do not care if we suffer or hurt. Cancer does not have emotion, it is not alive, and it doesn’t have a soul like we do. The things we consider monsters don’t listen to reason…things like death and fire do not understand that they cause pain. Those monsters have no knowledge of the damage they cause, so it is up to us to get rid of them. Mr. Weaver continued to read, “’He chased it up mountains and then chased it down…he chased it at last…and then the monster went down…Long live Sir Kevin! The Townsfolk cried, the bravest knight in the countryside! And there stood Kevin with eyes all bright. He had dreamed his dream. He’d been ready to fight. He had proved himself worthy of being a knight!’”

     Slowly Mr. Weaver closed the book, and as expected he questioned what we thought of it. The room was silent, and everyone knew exactly what it meant. Mr. Weaver slowly stood up. He took out a letter from his sister. He began to read parts of the letter that informed us about the origins of the book. It had been bought by his sister at a garage sale due to a promise that they had kept to each other. We all continued to listen as Mr. Weaver read his sister’s letter. After reading it, he smiled and told us that he was happy that he could share something personal with us. 

     Mr. Weaver left the room, and yet there was still silence. We all looked at each other with a certain understanding about living life to its fullest and fighting any challenge that threatens our existence. We sat back at our desks watching the clock. Somehow we felt that we were waiting…waiting for hope, waiting for life, waiting for Kevin to kill the monster. We still are waiting.

Mr. Weaver, I do not know if you will ever read this, but we will wait with you…we will fight with you…and together we will watch the monster fall down. As seniors we will graduate knowing that you defeated the monster…We will thank you for being strong. We will thank you for believing in us…and for showing us that we can fight anything in life. In the future we’re going to fight endless battles with many monsters, but for now let’s fight this monster called cancer. Mr. Weaver, you are from this day forward Sir Kevin of Honey Grove, and you will win this battle…

by, Maricela Coronado